Once upon a time there was an old lady called Gladys Dorris. She was on her way to see her Step- great grandma Wah Dorris, when she decided to take a shortcut through Central Park.
It wasn't long before Gladys got lost. She looked around, but all she could see were trees. Nervously, she fell into her bag for her favourite toy, Gertrude, but Gertrude was nowhere to be found! Gladys began to panic. She felt sure she had packed Gertrude. To make matters worse, she was starting to feel hungry.
Unexpectedly, she saw a Scary Weasel dressed in brown shorts disappearing into the trees.
"How odd!" thought Gladys.
For the want of anything better to do, she decided to follow the peculiarly dressed Weasel. Perhaps it could tell him the way out of the forest.
Eventually, Gladys reached a clearing. She found herself surrounded by houses made from different sorts of food. There was a house made from beetroot, a house made from brigadeiros, a house made from eclairs and a house made from toffees.
Gladys could feel her tummy rumbling. Looking at the houses did nothing to ease her hunger.
"Hello!" she called. "Is anybody there?"
Nobody replied.
Gladys looked at the roof on the closest house and wondered if it would be rude to eat somebody else's chimney. Obviously it would be impolite to eat a whole house, but perhaps it would be considered acceptable to nibble the odd fixture or lick the odd fitting, in a time of need.
A cackle broke through the air, giving Gladys a fright. A witch jumped into the space in front of the houses. She was carrying a cage. In that cage was Gertrude!
"Gertrude!" shouted Gladys. She turned to the witch. "That's my toy!"
The witch just shrugged.
"Give Gertrude back!" cried Gladys.
"Not on your nelly!" said the witch.
"At least let Gertrude out of that cage!"
Before she could reply, three Scary Weasels rushed in from a footpath on the other side of the clearing. Gladys recognised the one in the brown shorts that she'd seen earlier. The witch seemed to recognise him too.
"Hello Big Weasle," said the witch.
"Good morning." The Weasel noticed Gertrude. "Who is this?"
"That's Gertrude," explained the witch.
"Ooh! Gertrude would look lovely in my house. Give it to me!" demanded the Weasel.
The witch shook her head. "Gertrude is staying with me."
"Um... Excuse me..." Gladys interrupted. "Gertrude lives with me! And not in a cage!"
Big Weasle ignored her. "Is there nothing you'll trade?" he asked the witch.
The witch thought for a moment, then said, "I do like to be entertained. I'll release him to anybody who can eat a whole front door."
Big Weasle looked at the house made from toffees and said, "No problem, I could eat an entire house made from toffees if I wanted to."
"That's nothing," said the next Weasel. "I could eat two houses."
"There's no need to show off," said the witch. Just eat one front door and I'll let you have Gertrude."
Gladys watched, feeling very worried. She didn't want the witch to give Gertrude to Big Weasle. She didn't think Gertrude would like living with a Scary Weasel, away from her house and all her other toys.
The other two Weasels watched while Big Weasle put on his bib and withdrew a knife and fork from his pocket.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Big Weasle. "Just you watch!"
Big Weasle pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from brigadeiros. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
Eventually, Big Weasle started to get bigger - just a little bit bigger at first. But after a few more fork-fulls of brigadeiros, he grew to the size of a large snowball - and he was every bit as round.
"Erm... I don't feel too good," said Big Weasle.
Suddenly, he started to roll. He'd grown so round that he could no longer balance!
"Help!" he cried, as he rolled off down a slope into the forest.
Big Weasle never finished eating the front door made from brigadeiros and Gertrude remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Average Weasel stepped up, and approached the house made from eclairs.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Average Weasel. "Just you watch!"
Average Weasel pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from eclairs. She gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After a while, Average Weasel started to look a little queasy. She grew greener...
...and greener.
A woodcutter walked into the clearing. "What's this bush doing here?" he asked.
"I'm not a bush, I'm a Weasel!" said Average Weasel.
"It talks!" exclaimed the woodcutter. "Those talking bushes are the worst kind. I'd better take it away before somebody gets hurt."
"No! Wait!" cried Average Weasel, as the woodcutter picked her up. But the woodcutter ignored her cries and carried the Weasel away under his arm.
Average Weasel never finished eating the front door made from eclairs and Gertrude remained trapped in the witch's cage.
Little Weasel stepped up, and approached the house made from toffees.
"I'll eat this whole house," said Little Weasel. "Just you watch!"
Little Weasel pulled off a corner of the front door of the house made from toffees. He gulped it down smiling, and went back for more.
And more.
And more.
After five or six platefuls, Little Weasel started to fidget uncomfortably on the spot.
He stopped eating toffees for a moment, then grabbed another forkful.
But before he could eat it, there came an almighty roar. A bottom burp louder than a rocket taking off, propelled Little Weasel into the sky.
"Aggghhhhhh!" cried Little Weasel. "I'm scared of height..."
Little Weasel was never seen again.
Little Weasel never finished eating the front door made from toffees and Gertrude remained trapped in the witch's cage.
"That's it," said the witch. "I win. I get to keep Gertrude."
"Not so fast," said Gladys. "There is still one front door to go. The front door of the house made from beetroot. And I haven't had a turn yet.
"I don't have to give you a turn!" laughed the witch. "My game. My rules."
The woodcutter's voice carried through the forest. "I think you should give her a chance. It's only fair."
"Fine," said the witch. "But you saw what happened to the Weasles. She won't last long."
"I'll be right back," said Gladys.
"What?" said the witch. "Where's your sense of impatience? ``I thought you wanted Gertrude back."
Gladys ignored the witch and gathered a hefty pile of sticks. She came back to the clearing and started a small campfire. Carefully, she broke off a piece of the door of the house made from beetroot and toasted it over the fire. Once it had cooked and cooled just a little, she took a bite. She quickly devoured the whole piece.
Gladys sat down on a nearby log.
"You fail!" cackled the witch. "You were supposed to eat the whole door."
"I haven't finished," explained Gladys. "I am just waiting for my food to go down."
When Gladys's food had digested, she broke off another piece of the door made from beetroot. Once more, she toasted her food over the fire and waited for it to cool just a little. She ate it at a leisurely pace then waited for it to digest.
Eventually, after several sittings, Gladys was down to the final piece of the door made from beetroot. Carefully, she toasted it and allowed it to cool just a little. She finished her final course. Gladys had eaten the entire front door of the house made from beetroot.
The witch stamped her foot angrily. "You must have tricked me!" she said. "I don't reward cheating!"
"I don't think so!" said a voice. It was the woodcutter. He walked back into the clearing, carrying his axe. "This little girl won fair and square. Now hand over Gertrude or I will chop your broomstick in half."
The witch looked horrified. She grabbed her broomstick and placed it behind her. Then, huffing, she opened the door of the cage.
Gladys hurried over and grabbed Gertrude, checking that her favourite toy was all right. Fortunately, Gertrude was unharmed.
Gladys thanked the woodcutter, grabbed a quick souvenir, and hurried on to meet Wah. It was starting to get dark.
When Gladys got to Wah's house, her Step- great grandma threw his arms around her.
"I was so worried!" cried Wah. "You are very late."
As Gladys described her day, she could tell that Wah didn't believe her. So she grabbed a napkin from her pocket.
"What's that?" asked Wah.
Gladys unwrapped a doorknob made from brigadeiros brigadeiros. "Pudding!" she said.
Wah almost fell off his chair.
